KitKat baby

Exams are just over, am really excited about going to Germany Having loads of activies from time to time..keeping me busy.. although it doesnt however lessen the pain of missing my home, my friends and my life back in KL..

Loving someone so deep has many risks..no i did not only realise it now, but probably..i would say..i may be facing those certain ‘risks’ now..in my period of time here..i am more exposed to many new faces, to a new culture so called (Western), i have a more open-minded i would say to things that i never thought i would have.. friends’ opinions…emotions we face here at college..gave me all valuable lessons..however it is most devastating when you cant actually share those precious moments of growing up with the one you love..the only way is to explain them which i know im not born to do..i have become a bit more independent i guess..in other words..i feel miserable in actual fact..

i can stand the environment..i can stand the critics and hardship but what i cant is the time spent apart from each other..i cant stand the times when we need each other physically is easily satisfied with just a phone call, i can’t stand not being able to see what he’s going through..knowing it just by words sux bad..i feel so..lazy and tired sometimes that i dont know why the heck am i doing this…yes i love you, yes i want to be with you, forever..but sometimes.. its just hard…hard to the point of giving up..

a talk with my friend recently..who is undergoing an LDR.. a real LDR..different country etc..well..we were talking about death.. ya i know..what a topic rite..haha..anws..he was saying..he acually doesnt mine dying now..but he is kinda worried abt the sorrows that his family mite face and his girlfriend..but he stopped awhile n said..sighs..my girlfriend..shes so far away..hmm..and basicly i get the idea..sort of..distance too far for a long period of time can cause a person whos so in love to Not SEE the significants of their love builded 5 years ago…possible? hmm.what about me? what about us? crying abt it doesnt help…talking abt it doesnt change anything..holding on to something so uncertain is fragile..its not burdening at all of course but..i dont know..i just dont..

conclusion: im confuesed n miserable but still madly in love.. God help me..

honestly..i mite ..am gooing to start rumbling and complaining again.. my idea of college life is definately not what i am living in now.. i can say that doing my course at Taylors wasnt the perfect one either, but it was looking back now, much much much more better..i mean i dont have much restriction there, i get to meet friends who was more of ‘my kind’, spending time with tim and even my family members is now harder than ever.. to make it worse, my holidays and so called time i can go back are totally the ooposite of almost all of my friends back there..how i really really wish i could ask God to turn back time.. Regretting and feeling ever so sucky is what i was going through on tuesday..couldnt resist it anymore, tears were falling like rain, heart ever so pounding for comfort and eyes hurting like it never did before, i just want to drop it all and go home..my sister i called..helped me to realise i was stronger than this.. that i could endure the pain for i have been given something so great..for she said good things dont come easily..i can believe that part..but what i cant accept is the fact that the scholaship is a great thing.. besides the fact of financial terms, everything else is so much worse now thanks to it! how is that greaT?

God, i prayed and prayed..help me to ease the pain, give me the strength to believe that God’s will is unfolding in my life..then when i was tired of sobbing and being all pathetic..i calmed down.. went through old stuff i had in my cupboard, found the church bulletin with the verse : "THE MAN WITHOUT THE SPIRIT DOES NOT ACCEPT THE THINGS THAT COME FROM THE SPIRIT OF GOD, FOR THEY ARE FOOLISHNESS TO HIM AND HE CANNOT UNDERSTAND THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE SPIRITUaLLY DISCERNED" -1Corinthians 2:14 believe it or not, just these 3 lines made me felt ever so convinced and push my inner being to be stronger.. i have to fight this feeling of holding back…i have to endure the hardships here..i will prove that i can do it.. no matter how much it will cost my future in terms of working life to my marriage..i must.. what faith in GOd do i say i have if i keep doubting? i am indeed tired inside out..i just have to let it go and live with what i have been given..for i now believe the decision i made to accept the scholarship was not mine, but of the Holy Spirit…yes it was..im 101% sure it was.

Thanks and much praises to God for on wednesday, i manage to go down to Curve to spend time with tim.. it was wonderful, in fact..the whole week ended with such fun that i didnt have much time to even look back on my sorrows…my supportive friends here were really encouraging and well, i can say that God provided them with the right words to say to me at the right time..i felt happy for the first time being here.. as proven, i didnt want to go back this weekend..even tho dad asked me, even tho my fren offered me a lift, i rejected them all..i believe i can have the college life i dreamt of even here..for i KNOW God works out everything for Good of those who love Him, and i can shout out to the world, I DO ! so lets just pray and hope that i will never ever havto go through again those ‘moments’ of sadness and regret..i want to be happy ..to be able to enjoy my life for everything i do i do it for God. Amen. 

toodles ~

Month 1:Mommy, I am only 8 incheslong,but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month 2:Mommy, today I learned how tosuck my thumb. If you could seeme, you could definitely tell that I am a baby.I’m not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice andwarm in here.

Month 3:You know what Mommy, I’m a girl!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don’t like it when you cry. You sound so sad.It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me.

Month 4:Mommy, my hair is starting to grow.Itis very short and fine, but I will havea lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my armsand legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month 5:You went to the doctor today.Mommy,he lied to you. He said that I’m not a baby. I am a baby Mommy,yourbaby. I think and feel. Mommy,what’s abortion?

Month 6:I can hear that doctor again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and heartless.Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle.Mommy what is it? It burns!Please makehim stop!I can’t get awayfrom it!Mommy!! HELP me!!

Month 7:Mommy,I am okay. I am in God’sarms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion.Why didn’t you want me, Mommy?

-EveryAbortion Is Just . . .One moreheart thatwas stopped. Two more eyesthat willnever see. Two more hands that will nevertouch. Two more legs thatwill never run.One more mouth that will never speak.

=DONT DO ABORTION=,

so avoid pre-marital sex..so not worth it !!

lThinking of the perfect-for-sure-not-to-wrong birthday gifts for a girl like me?! well..heres a list of aha (s) and nopp(s)

enjoy ..

AHa (s)

1. WHole Body SpA ( at a well-known spa obviously)

2.  A trip to Bukit Tinggi French TOwn

(maybe a nite stay or two)

3. Glamourous watches

(preferably Elle, Guess, Fossil, Swatch)

-pink or baby blue of course- 

4. Chocolates never go wrong!! unless they’re NOT kitkat or cadbury  

5. You’re my hero is you get me a horse !!

it’ll have to be PURE WHITE of coz..if not you’re so   my ZEROO

6. Couple watches would be GREAT too !! =D

     these looks marvelous dont they >.<

7. Any Disney Princess products

bare in mind..im 18 !! not 8 nor 10 nor 13!! =P

8. neclaces, handbags, heels (if u know my size), braclet,anklets!! =D

nevertheless..here are some of the NOPP(s)

• BIG FAT WATCHES

• STORY BOOKS -Trust me, i wont read them ..
• DIARIES, STATIONARIES, Boring stuff ..
• Cheap chocolates

JUst as my shoutout says it all, i want to shout it OUT loud!

I’m ever so fortunate for all the obvious reasons..im in love.

=P

WHat can be describe as ‘being in love’ and ‘falling in love’ ? Well, if you ask me, it is indeed a very subjective matter and its different to every individual. But hurm…to me..my opinion of it wud be.. when i am fighting/argueing etc..im definately so "not in" the love mood.. but when i have made up with my partner for the stupidity of the argument, i would then say, im ‘falling in love’ with him all over again..but now..right this minute..im definately ‘being in love’ .. when all things are smooth sailing and life is a bed of roses for you and that special someone..you are IN LOVE i suppose… and by me being in love with this guy…feels like i’m at the top of the ‘women world’…im proud to say i’ve found ‘the OnE’ ..i’m proud to say that its him who is my companion of life..although i may not know when the next storm mite come, still ..as long as the sun shines, i will aslways love him..i cant wait to get married to him..every moment we’re apart..it feels like my world is meaningless..everymoment we’re together..gawsh..undescribeable desire of happiness and joy!

How can i find anyone else who is like him? in so many ways im grateful..he is everything a girl wants, a girl needs and could ever ask for..well at least a girl like me that is! as my previous post had stated, when i screw my love life, i basicly screw my whole life..so basicly..like it or not, he is my whole life.

-Floating with the angels of love-

Is it possible to be annoyed and to love a person so much at one go ? Vast enourmous emotions going through your head..

Your heart is longing for em’, your mind is hurting to scream at em’ , you are just so bombarded with emotions..such a dull day..thanks to your unstable emotions! Having no one to turn to just because you’re to lazy to explain anything.

Having God on your side and a prayer just doesnt quite work for now..so tired..hate dealing with such crap.

*words of insult and curses running through my lips of silence* .. will love ever stop hurting?

Bad night, horrible morning, blue afternoon .. whats evening going to be like ?

-bottledup & busted-

There are a vast number of so called couples amongst youngsters today. That includes you and me ! Most relationships should start with a aim for marriage of course. Have you ever gave a thought on the issue of money between you and your partner? You obviously want to marry the person you are dating right now and before you know it,the wedding bells are ringing and YOU are in the spotlight!! (its prob just SO long for me!! =p) So in the near future, who would then pay for the house maintanance, the bills? who would pay for the food, the groceries? And when children comes into the picture, who would then pay for their education and the leisure of the family?

When two ppl begin a relationship, sooner or later the issue of money will be raised. It may be presented in terms of gender ideologies : I am a man and so i should pay for you. It could be a question of maintaining equality:  I shall pay for the meal because you have paid for the cinema. Well, as the relationship becomes more serious, the couple may contemplate sharing a house. The big question is If one persons earns more than the other, should each pay half the rent or the one who earns more pay more ??

2 types -joint bank account or individual account ??

blablabla (havnt think yet)

In conclusion, there is an association between how a couple managed their money and socioeconomic characteristics such as the total income of the household, the sources of that income, the relative amounts contributed by both partners and their education level. Handling financial issues with your spouse is not a laughing matter, for believe or not, a wrong desicion in money can and will lead to seperation !

Its 7th July 2007 !!! so Happy O7O7O7

Its time to get wild …

Heheh..woke up LATE today..reli late..havnt woken up dat late before for a very long time now..yaya i know..thousands of you have that daily routine.. =p so anyways..ayupe..gotta lot of calls n msges along the way though wanted to meet up with sarah for a walk at 9.30am ..she called arn almost 8am n wanted to go earlier.. not that i didnt want to but…wat shud i do when my head seems so heavy n so dead to function ??!! so we didnt meet up in the end.. Then got more news update from nicole and adrian..both also didnt get to meet up…*here comes the big news* =)

I finally opened my eyes..it was 11.30am …phew! im still half-sleepy-dead..suppose to meetup with tim for lunch..so i msged him..no reply..gosh..two opinion of mine #1 he is still in the meeting or #2 he is driving ON THE WAY HERE!!! so i decided just get up n bathe larr..i did..apparently..i took extra long to bath today and my BEST FRIEND decided to visit me on this extraordinary day..gawwshh..

Anyways..felt like wearing a dress today..nothing fancy..so i borrowed my sister’s "maternity" dress…haha it really made me look like im pregnant lor..not that i’m not..but..haha ..then wanted to go off to the bank to get some cash then i heard the door bell rang.. shuxx he’s early for oncE! ehehe..then neways..off we are..to OU.. Shogun!! the buffet was good..lotsa variety but sadly i was cramming all morning so not much that cud go in..but i still had my fair share of sushi..tempura..tempanyaki…soft shell crab..and dessert ! gosh..stuffing myself first thing in the morning is SO NOT ME.There..something wild done

Then we decided to drive up to genting !! or more like i decided to..so off we were..driving up was fun!! but very scary as SOMEONE tried to speed at the curves…but finally couldnt at one point!! haha he was flooring the accelerator but the car was still below 20km/h .. haha imagine that..i was laughing my head off!! yay..we reached genting arn 3pm…had a hard time finding parking tho.. didnt know so many ppl decided to come up to genting today.. it wasnt as cold as i thought it wud be lar..did not even use our jackets the whole time! this shows global warming is getting worst!!! well, we didnt sit on any rides..but we walked all arn the area..alot. cam whore a lil then sat down in front of genting hotel to just chilll…=D took off arn 5pm as tim has some family gathering..reached home arn 6pm+..helped lynn to cook as she did my laundry this morning then straight to bed!! slept for an hour..woke up arn 8pm..still so tired but i just had to bath!! (EwwW) i know..so i bath bath bath.. told dad n mum that i wont be eating dinner..im still SO full! yes,i really am..dats the funny thing abt me..i cant just stuff myself with food the first thing when i wake up..i just cant..if not..like this la.. no need to eat for the rest of the day..funny belly i have so ya.. its early bedtime for me..quite tiring but indeed a fun day!! Thank you God … time is ticking..one more week !

*pictures are in my profile*

David Beddingfield (edited version)

If you’re not the One , then why does my hand fit yours this way

If you’re not the One, then why does your heart return my call

If you are not mine, would i have the strength to stand at all ?

Never know what the future brings, but you are here with me now.. we’ll make it through and i hope you’re the one i share my life with

I dont wanna run away, but i can’t take it, i dont understand..

If we’re not made for each other..then why do we still feel this way?

Is there a way..that i could stay in your arms, forever?

If i dont need you, then why am i crying here ..on my bed?

If i dont need you, then why does your name resounds in my head ?

If i dont need you, then why does the distance we’re about to face seems to be like a life n death situation ?

If you’re not for me, then why do i dream of you as my husband ?

I just hope..hope in faith that you’re the one i share my life with.. and i pray you’re the one i build my home with..because i love you, i want to love you all my life timothy cheang.. coz i really miss you and it really tears me up inside..whether its wrong or right and that we can’t be with each other tonight, or tomorrow or the days after, you know very well that my heart is always by yours, only yours.

=)