My Fairy Tale ..whats happened to it ??
the last thing i want to here is ‘i told you so’ or ‘noooooooo’ …
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i know..YA *screams aloud* im 18..i have alot more to come my way..i get that..why make a choice NOW? for heaven’s sake, you’re going overseas n u already closed up the door to your heart ??!! HELOOOOOO what kind of question is that people?
Yea, i do know..theres alot more in store for me..i know i will me meeting more people, new faces, personality and style..BUt as long as i am here..as long as i can stand on my own two feet i have my say..i want my relationship now, my relationship with tim to head to marriage, i really do want to give my everything to him..he is a real great guy! a great guy so much as i believe i wont be able to find another..yes..im that sure! and whats wrong with that? whats wrong with having my own fairy tale, having it at my own time? after all, all fairy tales end up happily ever after.. other guys? new faces? let those worry for themselves when the time comes, as for me i wont let go of what i have now.Its the best thing that happens to me so far..in fact, he is my life-changing partner..n i mean changing for the better! i’ve grown more than ever..im not saying that if i had been with my friends all along i would never grow.. no..but i would not have experience love, romance, patience, kindness, faithfulness and so much more!
fairy tale..yes..what happens when your lil fairy tale seems to be a nightmare..a horror scene..a thriller..even for a nite..it hurts.. bad..what happens when you feel that numb feeling inside? how long more will it take to ‘recover’ ? i want to be ‘mad’ again.. mad over my love…somehow..i just prefer to be alone..i dont want to tell this to my friends because (refer to line one) ..n recently i’ve been dying to go to college..as i thought that this feeling i have can be avoided..that i wont have to deal with it..yes i know, i admit i am an ‘avoider’ but i just feel so sad..u know..i love tim..i need him i want to need him..gawsh..im being as honest as i never thought i could be with him..to tell him each n every feeling thats inside of me..every move that irritates me..but sumhow..i can tell he’s thinking of how bad he is..n dats not true..i may have my mood swings now..i can assure myself..it is due to my period..but why do i get more irritated easily at him?! im cheerfully happy with my family n friends n i want to be with him too..im just feeling, knowing that it would take a lifetime to clear things up with him after all this ‘nonsense’ is over..i would not even be surprise if he ‘loves me less’ or lose affection over me ..
God so help me now..i may not have been leaning on You as much as i should have…and i know i may not be as understanding as tim thought i am..but i still do have a heart dear Lord to fight and hold on..and im not sure how long more i can.. Only You know whats best for me, for us..heal my ache and bless our time apart.Amen.
